
Eighteen years ago today, Peter got me to the alter, after asking me to marry him every year for the previous three. Well it wasn't really an alter, it was a trellis erected in his mother's back yard under the pine and maple trees. The minister from the Presbyterian church presided over the ceremony, one that was attended by only 20 people, ten friends of ours who lived nearby and ten of his mother's friends - small, just as we had wanted. The day was a scorcher and only got hotter as the afternoon progressed - the wind usually dies in the late afternoon on the east end and on this day it didn't disappoint.
Both Peter and I had been married previously, once for Peter and twice for me, so I was a very reticent bride. We had been happily together for the previous five years and I saw no real reason to "rock-the-boat". If it wasn't broke ....
Well I agreed and we set a date for a summer weekend in 1994. Once again not wanting to jinx a thing, we invited only local friends knowing the logistics of getting to the Hamptons in the summer, on short notice, would be daunting. As it happened, a cousin was getting married in Massachusetts the same day, so my family was already committed elsewhere. Small, understated, more like a small celebration of five years together - this is what we wanted.
In fact, I wanted this so understated I was planning on just wearing something from my everyday closet, but a friend who lived nearby insisted that I couldn't go "everyday". One Saturday morning she picked me up at my front door and took me shopping, telling Peter we wouldn't come home "undefeated". We found an elegant, understated, frock with a beautiful scarf that could be worn again any day. It was not expensive and fit the bill.
Peter wore something summery, handsome, and that matched the color of his eyes - a striking cobalt blue blazer, pale yellow slacks and a matching tie - of course. He looked gorgeous to my eyes and just looking into them steadied me as the ceremony approached.
My soon-to-become mother-in-law kindly got my linen dress pressed and we all somehow persevered the heat in her un-airconditioned 1730s house. Guests arrived, as did my friend who helped me buy the dress I now wore, and we all gathered around the trellis. The minister then asked us who would be standing up with us ... I hadn't even thought about this; I hadn't even thought about thinking about this ... I asked the friend who'd helped me buy my dress and she agreed. To this day we laugh, as she wore black to this wedding because the outfit was light and cool compared to the rest of her wardrobe. If she'd known she was going to be my witness she would never have worn such a somber color. Peter planned better than me and had already asked one of his oldest friends, Jack, to be his best man, and he'd agreed ... a second time!
All went well; the ceremony went without a hitch, except the one that was meant to happen, and happily an old friend of Peter's brought a camera, because we hadn't planned that either. We are forever grateful to Laura for capturing a moment we are now so glad to remember through her pictures. It became a wonderful afternoon garden party. Andy, a very old friend of Peter's and a musician arrived with his keyboard and played several songs to which Peter and I danced! A former housemate of mine sent over a homemade chocolate cake with chocolate frosting with a very large sunflower on the top that sadly was forgotten and began to melt in the sun, but as the sun was heading toward the horizon, the cake was saved, the sunflower wasn't, and we all went off to a lovely dinner in the village of Wainscott.
Now 18 years later, I can hardly believe how foolish my worry had been, but then again two previous marriages made me pretty nervous about messing something up that seemed nearly perfect. I was nervous for the first 4-5 months of our marriage and then I simply forgot to be nervous, and here we are ... happily 18 years later.
On a recent trip to Venice to celebrate Peter's 65th, Peter and I met some wonderful people and one, in particular, asked about our "obvious" (his word not mine) success. We told him honesty, laughter, friendship, common interests and values, and .... "drum roll please", please and thank you .... never take the other one or the relationship you have for granted.
So eighteen years ago today, we made a commitment to each other, one that we both respect and cherish. I don't wake a day, when I'm not thrilled to see those beautiful blue eyes looking back at me asking what we'll do today.
My oh my, am I glad he dragged me to that trellis!